Toddler Tantrums: 5 Reasons They Happen & How to Handle the Mayhem

Picture this: you’re strolling through the grocery store with your adorable toddler in tow, and suddenly, out of the blue, they throw themselves on the floor, wailing like a tiny tornado. It’s the toddler tantrum tango, and it’s a dance every parent has experienced at some point. Here’s the thing – behind these tempestuous displays of emotions lie some surprisingly rational reasoning. Here’s how to recognize what’s happening and what you can do to diffuse the situation:

1. You’re not speaking their language

Your toddler’s desire for independence is soaring, yet their communication skills are still in their infancy. Cue the frustration fandango! When your little one can’t quite express their wants and needs, it’s like trying to waltz without music. They’re trying to communicate, but no one speaks their dialect. Pretty frustrating, right? The key here is to be the ultimate dance partner – attentive and empathetic.

How to Handle It: Encourage your toddler to use simple words or gestures to convey their desires. Meet their rhythm by repeating their attempts at communication, acknowledging their feelings, and offering choices to make them feel in control.

2. They’re sleep-deprived

Imagine being on the dance floor all night without a break – exhausting, right? Well, toddlers can feel the same way when they’re sleep-deprived. It might seem hard to believe they’re actually sleep-deprived when they seemingly sleep so much, but quality counts just as much as quantity here. The sleep deprivation shuffle is a surefire trigger for tantrums, making your child more susceptible to emotional outbursts. 

How to Handle It: Make sure your toddler gets sufficient rest by sticking to a consistent sleep schedule. Consider investing in a soothing sound machine, or realistically examine the setting. Is the room too bright or noisy? Are you waking them too early or putting them to bed too late? Chances are, the routine is in dire need of a change-up. 

3. They’re overstimulated

Sometimes, the toddler tantrums are all about sensory overload. With their developing senses, a bustling environment or unexpected changes can feel like a sensory stampede, leaving your little one dizzy with emotion.

How to Handle It: Before heading into a potentially overwhelming situation, prepare your toddler by gently explaining what to expect. Offer sensory breaks when needed, such as stepping outside for fresh air or finding a quieter corner to regroup. Also consider whether the environment is the right climate for your child at their developmental stage, and plan accordingly.

4. The straight up hangry

Just like us, toddlers can get hangry too! The emotional upheaval triggered by hunger can leave your child swaying between irritability and outbursts. They can sense something is off but can’t yet identify it as hunger, and what happens next is something no one wants to know from. 

How to Handle It: Stay one step ahead and pack a “snack attack survival kit” filled with healthy snacks (emphasis on healthy or they’ll tend to burn out quicker!)! to satisfy your toddler’s appetite while on-the-go. Prevent the hangry beast from emerging and ensure they keep up with regular meals and snack times, so both of you know what to expect and when.

5. They’re testing boundaries

Toddlers are notorious attention-seekers. Sometimes, tantrums are your child’s way of stealing the spotlight. They’ve noticed that a well-executed meltdown can turn heads and garner attention, and if that’s the quickest avenue to getting what they want, that’s the one they’ll take.

How to Handle It: Stay firm but gentle. Avoid giving in to the tantrum demands, as it reinforces the behavior. Instead, offer positive attention and praise when your child communicates their needs calmly. It’s important not to feed into tantrums with bribes, negative attention (they’ll take any attention if it comes in excess), or matching their drama. The best thing you can do is to remain calm, reward good behavior, and not feed into the bad kind.

Remember, every toddler is unique, and their tantrums are a normal part of development. Stay composed, find humor in the chaotic moments, and approach each tantrum as an opportunity to teach emotional regulation. Every parent feels the heat from time to time – don’t worry about being observed and judged. If the onlooker is a parent, trust me, they get it and have been there.